Chin Up, Samantha!

Samantha Brick’s premise is that most women generally feel threatened by those among them who carry themselves well, who are better looking or better dressed, or who exude that ‘x’ factor edge that ups the competition.

Yes, I know this is old hat, but I couldn’t let it go by without saying my bit, given the brickbats that were lobbed at her.

According to Ms. Brick, women turn cold towards, gossip about, or pick on those whom they can’t ‘get’ – categorize, classify, whatever. Easy targets for such ‘retaliation’ would be those among them who receive more male attention, who seem a step ahead academically or professionally, and most importantly, those who don’t conform with the ‘rules’ of their ‘group’.

I agree. Women are total bitches towards those who don’t flock with their silly ‘gangs’. It’s ironic that given the treatment our gender has received for eons, women still behave like crabs in a bucket.

Women employ a more subtle means of bullying, coolly ignoring or ostracizing their target, thus hitting them where it hurts most – emotionally and socially. If their targets have children, it’s worse because the kids are cut off as well. In a ‘shame’ culture, their targets cannot recover as they are branded for life by the gossip, and cannot claim dignity through financial or political success due to the norms of the societies they live in. Hmm, why do they call us the fairer sex again?

Coming back to Ms. Brick…she writes an active blog for the online version of ‘The Daily Mail’. For those few of you who don’t know, she is a Brit in her 40’s, living in Europe, and happily married. No kids as far as I can tell, but seemingly lots of love, freedom, individuality. A free spirit with a charmed life, one would say.

Up until she wrote this piece entitled “There Are Downsides to Looking This Pretty: Why Women Hate Me for Being Beautiful”. You can read her article here:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html  It received more than 5000 comments (mostly vitriol) in one day alone, tearing her apart, and leaving her in tears and low spirits.

Her message? That women can be unkind to those whom they feel intimidated by, even if the person in question exhibits or harbors NO questionable intentions towards them or their husbands/boyfriends/whatever. Ms. Brick, the scornful comments you received only prove your point! 

A small illustration of this observation: I met a female friend at a dinner a while ago, who began speaking about the pressure to ‘look good’ in her office. She mentioned the perfect figures of some of her female colleagues, and went on to say, “You know we must exercise to maintain our figures, but when one looks at the competition, one feels so...intimidated!” While I piped up with, "Motivated!" Not saying that I don't get green-eyed myself, but you get the point I trust.

And how about the Italian movie ‘Malena’, starring the impeccable, gorgeous Monica Bellucci - a beautiful woman minding her own business who is targeted by her jealous and insecure frenemies, berated, and shamed. They pick upon her when she is most vulnerable and they really let her have it. Quite disturbing because the actual assault is not filmed but the audience hears the thuds of their fists upon her, and her tortured, horrific screams. It jarred that they were ready to judge her, despite their earlier reluctance to lend a helping hand when she fell upon hard times. Malena suffers rape not only by lascivious men in her community, but worse, by the women who should have stood by her.

Ms. Brick has not written anything offensive about anyone in particular. She only makes a general observation. She is neither promoting unacceptable behavior, nor is she tooting her horn. Yes, you read those last few words correctly – Ms. Brick acknowledges the fact that she is no beauty queen.

I haven’t met her personally, but I expect she exudes some original charm, warmth, spontaneity, or humor and hence, attracts a lot of interest. I have met several women like her who say exactly what she does. They were not showing off. They were simply exasperated. Having been on both sides of the beauty coin, and being treated differently at both times, I see their point.

Ms. Brick’s article is frank – a tad smug perhaps – but so what? She is entitled to her own opinion. And honestly, which woman among us isn’t vain? None of us are perfect, and a compliment about one’s looks puts a spring in our steps for a long time.

I don’t know whether this article is a part of some strategy to:

1.       Gain readership for The Mail, or

2.       Snatch her share of fame and fortune

Ms. Brick anticipated the negative reaction in her article. Maybe her title was deliberate; maybe her tears were part of some script, like Van Doren’s hesitation and timing in ‘Quiz Show’.

Whatever her goals might have been, let’s just say Ms. Brick recovered fast. She has succeeded in turning the spotlight on herself, AND has been successful in generating much revenue through the many subsequent related articles, interviews, and TV opportunities this one article has spawned. Good for her. Wonder what her detractors are doing now.

Congratulations, Samantha! If you are still feeling blue, I expect you know by now what to do. Go out for a jog, continue to celebrate feeling young, do a jig to the music that cheers you up the most…or write some more. Be unafraid.

Here’s a tune from Genesis - ‘Invisible Touch’ - never fails to pull me out of the doldrums: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HF2NAnbj58A

Another article today: http://thelook.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/16/11229862-secret-behind-too-beautiful-writers-confidence-dads-love?lite