My Replies to Comments on 'The Need for Positive Role Models'...

            Hi all.

 

           Last week, I wrote about the present need for both male and female role models. It was definitely interesting to receive some feedback on my thoughts. I decided I wouldn't publish the comments, but would just clarify some points in my piece...

 

Here was one response - "So now we're supposed to cover ourselves completely because you think dressing sexy tempts men? The courts threw out that argument long ago."

 

 

My answer:

 

            No, I don't think women need to wear a tent. I don't equate modesty with being totally covered up. As we know, some South Pacific tribes that live 'au naturel' have NO incidence of rape. So, it really depends on how women are perceived by men, stereotyping, constructs, etc. The question is, what are we doing as parents that makes our children think this way when they grow up?

 

             Rape is prevalent in all cultures where there exists a concept of 'physical shame' (the practice of covering one's private parts). Given that our system values clothes as against going natural, it follows that showing too much skin a la Kim Kardashian will seem tasteless/ obscene. But then again, Kim K. is doing it precisely to shock people and to gain attention...Kim K. has her bodyguards and she's safe most of the time. But what about young girls who want to ape her?

 

             Then, to comment on your words 'dressing sexy' - seriously, do you want to 'dress sexy' all the time? I used to sell insurance in Singapore, and sometimes I've seen agents attend conventions wearing inappropriate clothes. Are you saying sexy is ok anywhere and anytime? I'm ok with sexy, but I don't agree with that statement unless you're in a proper relationship and for the right occasion and time...otherwise, it just sends the wrong idea. Sorry, don't agree. But that's just my old geezer stick-in-the-mud opinion. 

 

              I also didn't mean that it's ok for men to attack women just because they're dressed sexy. Actually, women have been attacked regardless - whether they are old/middle-aged/young adult/child...wearing a sari/ salwar kameez/ mini skirt/ sleeveless/ whatever...going to school/ college/ work/ home/ beach/ club/ wherever. So I totally agree not to blame the clothes. Rape is an act of power and subjugation.

              Again, why do men react this way? What are we teaching our sons that some of them grow up to think it is ok to act this way?

 

Second response (in a nutshell) - "Looking good is bad because it tempts men?"

 

My answer:

 

              Actually, I didn't say that. But since we've begun this topic, let me just continue - I just don't agree with this obsession over looks...I said 'looks', not beauty. Not saying I'm against preening and looking good -  I'm talking about giving and receiving value here, in all relationships.

 

               If you have good looks that have been fortified by make-up (again, nothing against make-up...I use it most of the time), and if you are using looks to get your job done...nope, doesn't cut it for me. I'm sure I'll get some response like - "Wake up! Where have you been? If you are good-looking, it's half the battle won." Yeah, I agree - the battle for sprinters. What will you do for the marathon, the long haul? Again, back to 'value'.

 

               I'll be focussing on people and organizational development/empowerment for my PhD and guess what - this also falls into that bracket. The value inside all of us, the affirmation that starts from the inside...not the other way round. What we're doing in our lives right now with these reality shows, gossip shows, Facebook, and so on, is foisting a false sense of self and self-worth upon ourselves. We want affirmation for every post/picture/friend count. We want to "splurge" because it makes us feel good. Retail therapy, like everything else, is great in small doses.

 

               I think we have whole generations of people who are not ready to grow up...or maybe life is too stressful and so its easier to shop or  to play video games or to live with Mom and Dad forever or Facebook ever damn thing that we do...or whatever (I'll get to the bottom of it soon enough...now that you've got me going!). It will be Deepak Chopra v.2.

 

Third response - "I thought you said bad girls make history".

 

My answer:

 

               Yes, I did and still do.

 

               But 'bad' as in - questioning something that doesn't make sense (which is positive)...not 'bad' as in Madonna doing a book with naked pictures called 'Sex'...or Paris Hilton airing her sex videos as a kind of tantrum with her parents (or whatever the problem was...). Just to clarify - I'm all for the celebration of female sexuality as in Maya Angelou's 'Phenomenal Woman', or as in the poems of Kamala Das - just not the objectification of female sexuality by men.

 

               Virginia Woolf, Rosa Parks, Sappho...were bad because the systems they were protesting against labelled them that way. They weren't making fools of themselves just for some (male) attention. Their actions actually helped women get an education, affirm their civil rights, vote, write, etc. So, I'm really ok with that kind of 'bad'.

 

 

               Ok, so...there were some other replies too, but I kind of addressed most of them in my answers above...It has been fun getting these replies! I know now that my pieces aren't entirely clear, but I'm also thankful that their lack of clarity has generated the response. I hope I've answered your comments suitably.

 

                Thanks for replying. Feel free to bash me anytime :).